Rules For Effective Parenting

Rules For Effective Parenting

Rules For Effective Parenting

PARENT-DIRECTED INTERACTIONS

1. Parent leads the interactions.

2. Gives specific verbal directions.

3. Applies specific consequences to noncompliance.

4. Uses clear, direct commands.

5. Ignore extraneous behavior:

  • Did they obey or not?
  • Never ignore noncompliance, yet choose your battles

 

RULES FOR EFFECTIVE COMMANDS

1. Direct, not indirect:

  • Not “will you….” or “Lets….”
  • Use “Do this…..” or “Please give me….”
  • Better yet, use questions; “What did I ask you to do?” with a firm lower-toned voice and eye contact

2. Positively stated:

  • Not “Don’t run around!”
  • Use “Come sit beside me.” Or “How are you supposed to be behaving?”

3. Given one at a time

4. Commands must not be vague:

  • Not “Be careful….” or “Behave!”
  • Use “Get down off the chair….”

5. Commands must be simple.

  • Half bath, laundry room, large closet: all good!

 

GRADUATED APPROACH

1. Can be effective to start with the time out room, then move to a “less restrictive alternative” once compliance is set.

2. “First-level” time out can be chair, isolated couch, sit on the stairs, etc.

 

OK, BUT WHAT TO DO WITH NONCOMPLIANCE???

1. One warning, at most (yeah, I like 123 Magic too, but…):

  • Short explanation, if needed (often not needed).

2. Use Time Out: ~1 minute per year of compliance:

  • May use a chair in an isolated place.
  • Bedrooms are potentially not effective (too fun).

 

WHAT IF HE WON’T GO TO TIME OUT?

1. Move to the backup plans!

  • Chair compliance backed up by isolation room.
    • Chair not very effective in more serious cases – they can get off any time they want.
  • Ideal isolation room:
    • Safe.
    • Socially isolated.
    • Simply nothing to do there.
    • Approximate it as best you can.

 

TIME OUT REFUSAL, CONTINUED

1. Young children?

  • Pick them up and place them in Time Out.
  • Holding or car seat.

2. 4 to 10 year olds?

  • Walk them to the Time Out.
  • Physical proximity.
  • Nothing happens until the time out is completed!!!!!

 

Click here to view the PDF version of this information.

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