06 Feb Rules For Effective Parenting
1. Parent leads the interactions.
2. Gives specific verbal directions.
3. Applies specific consequences to noncompliance.
4. Uses clear, direct commands.
5. Ignore extraneous behavior:
- Did they obey or not?
- Never ignore noncompliance, yet choose your battles
RULES FOR EFFECTIVE COMMANDS
1. Direct, not indirect:
- Not “will you….” or “Lets….”
- Use “Do this…..” or “Please give me….”
- Better yet, use questions; “What did I ask you to do?” with a firm lower-toned voice and eye contact
2. Positively stated:
- Not “Don’t run around!”
- Use “Come sit beside me.” Or “How are you supposed to be behaving?”
3. Given one at a time
4. Commands must not be vague:
- Not “Be careful….” or “Behave!”
- Use “Get down off the chair….”
5. Commands must be simple.
- Half bath, laundry room, large closet: all good!
1. Can be effective to start with the time out room, then move to a “less restrictive alternative” once compliance is set.
2. “First-level” time out can be chair, isolated couch, sit on the stairs, etc.
OK, BUT WHAT TO DO WITH NONCOMPLIANCE???
1. One warning, at most (yeah, I like 123 Magic too, but…):
- Short explanation, if needed (often not needed).
2. Use Time Out: ~1 minute per year of compliance:
- May use a chair in an isolated place.
- Bedrooms are potentially not effective (too fun).
WHAT IF HE WON’T GO TO TIME OUT?
1. Move to the backup plans!
- Chair compliance backed up by isolation room.
- Chair not very effective in more serious cases – they can get off any time they want.
- Ideal isolation room:
- Socially isolated.
- Simply nothing to do there.
- Approximate it as best you can.
TIME OUT REFUSAL, CONTINUED
1. Young children?
- Pick them up and place them in Time Out.
- Holding or car seat.
2. 4 to 10 year olds?
- Walk them to the Time Out.
- Physical proximity.
- Nothing happens until the time out is completed!!!!!
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