Rules For Effective Parenting

1. Parent leads the interactions.

2. Gives specific verbal directions.

3. Applies specific consequences to noncompliance.

4. Uses clear, direct commands.

5. Ignore extraneous behavior:

• Did they obey or not?
• Never ignore noncompliance, yet choose your battles

RULES FOR EFFECTIVE COMMANDS

1. Direct, not indirect:

• Not “will you” or “Lets”.
• Use “Do this” or “Please give me”.
• Better yet, use questions; “What did I ask you to do?” with a firm lower-toned voice and eye contact.

2. Positively stated:

• Not “Don’t run around!”
• Use “Come sit beside me” or “how are you supposed to be behaving?”.

3. Given one at a time

4. Commands must not be vague:

• Not “Be careful” or “Behave!”
• Use “Get down off the chair”.

5. Commands must be simple.

• Half bath, laundry room, large closet: all good!

GRADUATED APPROACH

1. Can be effective to start with the time out room, then move to a less restrictive alternative once compliance is set.

2. First-level time out can be chair, isolated couch, sit on the stairs, etc.

OK, BUT WHAT TO DO WITH NONCOMPLIANCE???

1. One warning, at most (yeah, I like 123 Magic too, but…):

• Short explanation, if needed (often not needed).

2. Use Time Out: ~1 minute per year of compliance:

• May use a chair in an isolated place.
• Bedrooms are potentially not effective (too fun).

WHAT IF HE WON’T GO TO TIME OUT?

1. Move to the backup plans!

• Chair compliance backed up by isolation room.
  • Chair not very effective in more serious cases – they can get off any time they want.
• Ideal isolation room:
  • Safe.
  • Socially isolated.
  • Simply nothing to do there.
  • Approximate it as best you can.

TIME OUT REFUSAL, CONTINUED

1. Young children

• Pick them up and place them in Time Out.
• Holding or car seat.

2. 4 to 10 year olds

• Walk them to the Time Out.
• Physical proximity.
• Nothing happens until the time out is completed!!!!!

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